flaws and all

"you have the right to be selfish with your heart."

"there are times when you need to just stand your ground"

"you are so much more than you give yourself credit for."

"you deserve more."

this was some pretty honest advice/feedback that i heard from a dear friend of mine on a long overdue coffee, pastry and catch up date.   

she knows ME. 

she knows that i DESERVE to be happy.  

she has been there through the ups and downs and never ran away when things got tough.

she is one of the people in my life that i can come to, no matter how long its been since the last time we saw eachother, and she will give me the ear and voice that i need.    

but for some reason, i just cant pull the trigger.  

i cant just STOP.  

i havent allowed myself to see what she has seen in me.

im not one of those people that makes a decison, says something or feels a certain way,  on a whim or becuse its convenient.  

i truely FEEL.  

i have only recently figured out that this isnt how all people do things.

it took too much to get to this point but i finally did.  what i do now is the hard part.

maybe its because my dad drove into my head to be YOU.  to be honest and intentional with what you say and who you associate with..... 

this is one of the hardest things for me to just DO.  

to just stop allowing others to control how i feel. 

everyone needs to have boundaries, to know where your limits are and when to step in and PROTECT yourself.  

but you have to become strong enough to stand alone.  

i know that i am a fighter and why not fight to be "enough".  

yes, im impatient, but i also know that i deserve to know that i am enough right now.  

flaws and all.

i just have to buy into it too.